And so it is christmas break.
Life is so very different now it seems. I’m not so sure what to make of it. You think in High School that everything is so confusing and hard and painful, and that you just can’t wait till you’re done and in college, and that everything will be better. But that is so not true. In fact, I think in a way, college is worse. At least in light of big decisions such as what to do with your life, and what major to choose, and will you find your soul mate in college, or will you be in debt the rest of your life, and the list goes on and on.
I told myself that this Christmas Break, I would let go of all my worries, and I would just relax, and trust in God to set things the way He wants them. It’s really hard for me to just give up control. But I guess, I never really had it. Just the illusion of it. So I’m writing this out, because when I do, it makes me feel as if I’m just letting it out, letting it go, and giving it up to my Father in heaven. That’s how I envision it.
I just wish I could know what I was going to do in life, know what was going on, at least a week in advance. Wouldn’t that be so nice? To know exactly what is going to happen. No surprises. Just for one week. Maybe even one day. It would be so nice. But God knows, and I know, that it really wouldn’t work that way. I’d just like to think so. Because though it might make the hard times hit a little softer, It would dim the beauty of the wonderful things yet to come. That’s what I’m holding onto. Is that in the future, though everything seems so rocky and hard right now. There is something beautiful waiting right around the corner.
I’m not saying everything has been bad lately, not by a long shot. But it has been hard, and it has been tough. Things always seem to get really hard right when something good heads your way. Here I am, going to an amazing school, meeting amazing people, and have earned some wonderful friendships. That seems to be when the devil strikes the hardest for me. Right when I get something good, he tries to snatch my joy from me. He adds things for me to stress over, get hurt by, and feel heart broken over. I’m so tired of that. I
t’s kind of like my philosophy of why I don’t put a lot of make up on. Whenever I try to look really pretty, or dress up really nice, that when I tend to cry the hardest, or something terrible happens. I think that this is where that stems from. I tend to not spend a lot of time trying to dress up because of this. I know its sounds stupid, but I really do feel this way. It’s silly of me, but it tends to be true for me.
But yet again, I’m starting to worry. This is supposed to be about me getting everything out, so that I can start trying to be worry free. God has been shouting at me lately to just trust in Him. Let it go, give it to him, stop trying to control everything. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to let Satan take away my “beautiful moments”. The times when I look pretty, or when something good happens.
Because I’m going to stop worrying about it.
So this is me, rambling, getting it all out before I start my three week sort-of vacation, and then I’m going to give it to God.
And hopefully, I’ll be granted some stress free “Beautiful Moments”
